Fellowship 4077
by Jodie1
Summary: A crossover with Lord of the Rings and MASH! I was thinking of this one for a long time now I finally got around to writing!


Title: Fellowship 4077  
  
Person responsible: Jodie aka Padawan of the Anonymous Torture Fic Writer  
  
Summery: The Fellowship of the Ring get dumped into the M*A*S*H 4077th  
  
Ranking: PG-13 (Just to be safe)  
  
Spoilers: Maybe some for M*A*S*H episodes, but I really don't think so...  
  
Ok guys a humorous crossover fic between M*A*S*H and Lord of the Rings! If you don't know what M*A*S*H is you won't understand it.  
  
Either way I need a break from "Somewhere I Belong" so here's a little humor!  
  
Chapter One: Welcome to the 4077th!!  
  
So there the fellowship was walking down the hill in there line when suddenly... They was a magical dust-like thingy and two men, a dwarf, four hobbits, an elf, a wizard and a pony were in a compound surrounded by some very ugly colored canvas tents.  
  
Of chouse only one phrase came to mind:  
  
"Sweet Mother of God, where the hell are we!!?"  
  
That is until some guy with a needle nose and no lips yelled: "Klinger, how many times do I have to tell you not to have people modeling your clothes!"  
  
"I don't know those people sir." A huge nosed person said to which Needle- nose responded; "M.P.s, spies! There Commie sympathizers! Get them!"  
  
What old Ferret-face did not notice was the taller member of the Fellowships' skill at unarmored combat. They didn't want to hurt these people anyway; they just had these long tubes that they seemed to think would help them.  
  
Ha! They knew better, you always wanted a good broadsword or longbow at your side!  
  
Before long they M.P.s were on the ground in a bloody heap. Ferret-Face had then run to see the colonel.  
  
"Sir, there are nine crazy people that look there from the Middle-Ages! Four of them are really short with big furry feet, one of them is really old with a big stick, one of them is short and fat with really huge beard with a bunch of braids in it, two of them are normal, and one of them looks normal but he long blonde hair and pointy ears!"  
  
"Calm down, Frank, now what in the name of Sam wan Hill is going on." Potter said.  
  
"There are nine weirdoes out there with British accents!"  
  
"Frank, everyone from England is a little messed up, I thought you knew that." It wasn't Potter that said that it was Hawkeye Pierce followed by B.J. Hunnicutt.  
  
"Alright were are these whacked out British?" The colonel said.  
  
"In the compound." Frank said  
  
"Bring them in, and lets see what this is all about." Potter said.  
  
~*~  
  
"Gandalf, do you know where we are?" Frodo asked, his freakishly huge blue eyes staring up at the wizard like a Chihuahua.  
  
"For 300 lives of men I have walked Middle Earth, and this is not part of Middle Earth." Gandalf said.  
  
Merry sighed, Pippin prayed, if Gandalf was lost then where in the name of Elbreth were they?!  
  
Klinger looked at the group in the compound that council among themselves.  
  
"And I thought I wanted out." He thought, and then a glint caught his eye. "Hmmm..." Klinger thought "What a wig I could make out of that hair! And I have just the outfit for it!"  
  
He ran over to the small group. ~*~  
  
By the time everything had been sorted out, and the nine walkers were brought into Colonel Potter's office, Gandalf was ready to turn the whole camp into something un-natural, the hobbits were ready to eat, Gimli was tired of being near the elf, Bormier was sick of being herded around, Aragorn still wasn't king, and Legolas was ready to kill Klinger. All of them were ready to kill Frank.  
  
"...Alright 45, but that's my last offer!" Klinger said feeling the texture of the blonde hair.  
  
"Go away!" The elf was ready to put an arrow though the big-nosed person who seemed to have more hair then Gimli.  
  
"Alright Corporal, that's enough!" Frank yelled Klinger, he turned to fellowship, "Now, I want the location of your 'comrades', what there planning and when there ready to attack!"  
  
Gandalf heard a voice in his mind saying, "Let me shoot him, let me shoot him, let me shoot him!!!" The wizard looked to see a pair of elf eyes on him.  
  
"Alright Major, that's enough out of you." The colonel said. "They don't even look Korean!"  
  
Frank leaned in closer to the C.O. whispering, "But that one has slanted ears."  
  
"Frank its six o'clock, you can stop being snotty." An unexpected voice said.  
  
Hawkeye Pierce came into the office and sat in his usual spot on Sophie's saddle. B.J. Hunnicut in a chair beside his friend.  
  
"Alright boys, what's your guys' outfit? And where did you get the fancy costume work?" Potter asked  
  
The blank, confused looks he got seemed to answer him.  
  
"Radar!" He called  
  
The clerk came in looking at a clipboard, "Major Freedmen will be here in three days Sir." He then left, not before he looked up and marveled that were actually four people shorter then he.  
  
~*~  
  
"Do you know anyway of getting us back to where we were?" Merry asked hoping that they could get transported back to Rivendel, and that wonderful cook.  
  
"I know a spell, but I would need the proper conditions for it." The old wizard said. "For now we'll have to wait here."  
  
A communal sigh was pulled from the other eight as what flashed through there minds.  
  
Controlling all homicidal impulses.  
  
Being in cramped quarters with the elf.  
  
No orcs to kill.  
  
No mushrooms  
  
No excuses for 'accidentally' shooting the dwarf.  
  
No Arwen  
  
No reason to show off the Horn of Gondor.  
  
No pipe.  
  
This was going to be a long stay.  
  
TBC  
  
Oh, one little note, on my list of thing they have to live with here's another list to tell which one are for who on the less obvious ones.  
  
Controlling all homicidal impulses = All, because they are all ready to kill Frank.  
  
No orcs to kill. = All but the hobbits, because I think the bigger people were looking forward to killing some orcs.  
  
No pipe. = Gandalf, because the 4077 is a no smoking zone and he really loves that pipe!  
  
I think rests of them are self-explanatory. 


End file.
